The grief we feel when a pet dies can sometimes rival (or surpass) the grief we feel when a person dies. It gets more complicated when we must decide whether it’s time to end their life. It tears us in so many directions—Who are we to play God?—and while we struggle with the decision and … Continue reading Grief Talk Tuesday: Saying Goodbye to Our 4-Legged Friends
How many times in a day, a week, a month do you say to yourself, "I should have/why didn't I..." and proceed to berate yourself for not doing the thing you think you should have done? My answer is: too many. Living with a loss, in all its forms – death, divorce, employment, friendship, money, … Continue reading Grief Talk: Self-Kindness
"I will get up and write this down so I don’t forget this lesson, but I know I will forget. I always do. And some other cricket will come along and piss me off and I'll start the lesson all over again."
Having spent the better part of two years writing a memoir about how I learned (and am still learning) to live with grief, I can say for certain that grief isn’t exclusively linked to death.
In therapy, I was taught that the key to effective communication is through “I” statements. They are meant to relate the speaker’s needs and/or feelings to the listener, as opposed “you” statements, which are usually accusatory, blaming, and contain negative attributions about the listener. Whites/people in positions of power have a long history of using … Continue reading To See, Change, and Unlearn: Confronting My White Privilege
I talked to my milkman Wednesday, and I’m sure we’ll talk again tomorrow. He’s the only person I talk to in real life on a regular basis other than my partner Jim and a guy named Ben from Martin’s who puts groceries in my Jeep every other week. Each week, the milkman, also named Jim, … Continue reading “Normal”
Normally on Saturdays, Jim and I go on a breakfast adventure. We either try a restaurant we’ve not been to or try something new in the places we have. Jim is always on the lookout for the perfect sausage gravy or creamed chipped beef over home fries. I look for fresh brewed iced tea, non-instant oatmeal, … Continue reading Searching for Normal
I woke to a poem in my inbox this morning, January 1, a day of hope and possibility. At least that’s how it’s marketed. I’m optimistically cautious by nature, and I don’t believe in much, especially fate, destiny or divine intervention. Each of us has the potential to act in accord with our innate goodness. … Continue reading “Hope”ful New Year!
While December 31, 2019 is not technically the end of the decade, it is the end of the 20teens, and despite my fussiness about calendar time (which is arbitrary anyway), I was still drawn to a question someone posted on Twitter a few weeks ago: “As we near the end of the decade, what is … Continue reading Looking Back… (kind of the Get-Outta-My-Yard-You-Damn-Kids version)
“We cannot judge ourselves into improvement. It doesn’t work.” Tara Brach Yesterday, I did something I don’t usually do, mostly because I forget it’s the better, kinder thing. I made a pact with myself that if I vacuumed the house, made the bed, and cleaned the toilet, that I would reward myself by starting a … Continue reading Judgy McJudger Chooses the Carrot over the Whip