Watching a hockey game last Friday night from my comfy chair in the living room, I suddenly felt closed in, like there were too many things occupying too small a space. I wasn’t sure why at first; the living room is the same as it’s always been. But that was the feeling: There were too … Continue reading OCD Lite
I was today years old when I learned my fear of driving over bridges has a name: gephyrophobia. * Because I live near the “City of Bridges,” gephyrophobia can be a problem since it’s hard to avoid one or more of the 446 bridges in Pittsburgh. (Although, technically, 445 because the Fern Hollow bridge collapsed … Continue reading Bridges
How many times in a day, a week, a month do you say to yourself, "I should have/why didn't I..." and proceed to berate yourself for not doing the thing you think you should have done? My answer is: too many. Living with a loss, in all its forms – death, divorce, employment, friendship, money, … Continue reading Grief Talk: Self-Kindness
There’s no way can I recall every bathroom or kitchen sink I’ve brushed my teeth, but I remember the feel of my father holding my chin with one hand while teaching me how to brush my teeth with his other.
I laughed at the memory and wanted to share it with Dad, but then I remembered that Dad is gone and so I didn't feel like writing about chairs anymore.
"I will get up and write this down so I don’t forget this lesson, but I know I will forget. I always do. And some other cricket will come along and piss me off and I'll start the lesson all over again."
Having spent the better part of two years writing a memoir about how I learned (and am still learning) to live with grief, I can say for certain that grief isn’t exclusively linked to death.
“Maybe surrounding yourself with grief, sadness, and bittersweet memories all day every day is taking a toll?”
I sometimes meditate, I sometimes “pray,” but as 2020 progressed, the peaceful breathing and quiet communication with the god-presence wasn't enough to pry open the jammed up emotions that have piled up like dead fish on ice. It must be a 2020 thing because I’m (too) good at feeling the feels in “normal” times. Between … Continue reading Feeling the Feels of 2020
It’s been thirteen days since Dad fell, eleven since an ambulance took him to a hospital, six since he was released to a nursing facility and one since someone at the facility tested positive for covid. Dad a few weeks ago. When covid killed Dad’s cousin in April, I wondered how long before it affected … Continue reading Obligation