How many times in a day, a week, a month do you say to yourself, "I should have/why didn't I..." and proceed to berate yourself for not doing the thing you think you should have done? My answer is: too many. Living with a loss, in all its forms – death, divorce, employment, friendship, money, … Continue reading Grief Talk: Self-Kindness
There’s no way can I recall every bathroom or kitchen sink I’ve brushed my teeth, but I remember the feel of my father holding my chin with one hand while teaching me how to brush my teeth with his other.
I laughed at the memory and wanted to share it with Dad, but then I remembered that Dad is gone and so I didn't feel like writing about chairs anymore.
"I will get up and write this down so I don’t forget this lesson, but I know I will forget. I always do. And some other cricket will come along and piss me off and I'll start the lesson all over again."
Having spent the better part of two years writing a memoir about how I learned (and am still learning) to live with grief, I can say for certain that grief isn’t exclusively linked to death.
“Maybe surrounding yourself with grief, sadness, and bittersweet memories all day every day is taking a toll?”
I sometimes meditate, I sometimes “pray,” but as 2020 progressed, the peaceful breathing and quiet communication with the god-presence wasn't enough to pry open the jammed up emotions that have piled up like dead fish on ice. It must be a 2020 thing because I’m (too) good at feeling the feels in “normal” times. Between … Continue reading Feeling the Feels of 2020
It’s been thirteen days since Dad fell, eleven since an ambulance took him to a hospital, six since he was released to a nursing facility and one since someone at the facility tested positive for covid. Dad a few weeks ago. When covid killed Dad’s cousin in April, I wondered how long before it affected … Continue reading Obligation
I’m not the world’s most patient person, god knows, but I’m pretty happy with how I’m handling my impatience this week. My checkbook is probably not so happy - I’m a stress shopper - but mostly I’ve been buying Christmas and birthday gifts and cards, candles and dog treats, so at least it’s useful shopping. I … Continue reading Waiting
A month ago, I starting writing what I imagined to be a simple, sweet piece about when I was in sixth grade. But I’m forty six years removed from sixth grade, which became apparent as I wrote a few paragraphs, erased, and tried again. The problem, if problem is the right word, is that writing … Continue reading The One About Sixth Grade