A few weeks ago, I asked you to share some ways you honor/mark (or do you ignore?) the deathversaries and birthdays of loved ones who’ve passed. (See Acknowledging the Date(s) (part 1). Thank you for the unique and inspiring responses, and feel free to add yours in the comments!
“On mom’s death date, I light a candle and whisper to her. (My sister) goes to a grocery store, buys a single red rose and gives it to a lady if she looks to be about the age mom left us and asks her if she would accept it for our mom.” – Karen
“On the anniversary of my mother’s passing, I got out a picture of her and lit candles. I work from home so I visited the makeshift memorial throughout the day.” – Adina Marie
“I go to Barnes & Noble and buy someone everything they want like my father used to do for me.” – Rachel
“My husband of 35 years died July 1st so this will be my first Christmas without him and my birthday is Christmas Day. He always made a big deal out of it. I have an uncle, brother and a cousin so I will not be celebrating much I guess. I plan on his birthday, Feb 17, to go to his favorite restaurant and sprinkle some ashes. I still talk to him like he was here.” – Chris
“We lost our baby granddaughter to a brain tumor in 2000. We post an ‘In Memoriam’ in the local newspaper on the anniversary, along with (a) picture of her. Also, we decorate a small Christmas tree in the cemetery where she has a plaque at our family headstone. Tough time for our family, but gradually we’re remembering the funny things that she did and the happy times we had.” – Donna
“So – I’m probably in the minority here – but I celebrate my mom every day by living in the example of all the greatness she taught me. I was confused at the concept of my extended family insisting on having a formal ‘celebration of life’ for her because I celebrate her every day – in things I do and say. Granted I remember her the most when I’m oozing her sarcastic wit…” – Michelle
“Both of my parents have passed. On mom’s death anniversary, we drink margaritas – her favorite. We honor dad on NYE with a batch of black eyed peas and eat flan on his death anniversary. It’s a drink or meal to remember them whilst feeling incredibly sad at the loss.” – Trisha
“My husband and I were just talking about if and how we celebrate our loved ones. He reminded me that whenever we see clouds opening and the sun streaming through the portal, we call it ‘the windows of heaven.’ We think our parents are saying ‘hello’ and ‘we love you!’ And we say it back to them.” – Leslie
“After I lost my son, I attended a grief support group. They gave all new attendees…a small box shaped like a seashell. Inside was a seashell shaped crystal and a scroll wrapped in a bow. The scroll had the following poem: ‘Seashells remind us that every passing life leaves something beautiful behind. May beauty live on in your treasure chest of memories and bring you peace.’ When the sun shines through the crystal, a rainbow of light shines into my living room. I told my grandchildren that when they see the rainbow it is Uncle Tony thinking about us. I have the crystal hanging from a stain glass angel I made. When I was doing stain glass projects, I asked Tony what he would like me to make for him. His answer was a blue angel. I treasure that angel. Tony’s angel.” – Pauline
One thought on “Grief Talk: Acknowledging the Date(s) (part 2)”
What I most appreciate about these posts and the beautiful responses is the reminder that there is no one way to grieve, and we should give ourselves (and others!) the grace to do it their way. What may seem morbid to one person is liberating and comforting for another.
I especially loved the response from the person who celebrated by remembering her mother every day and tried to emulate the principles and values of her life. That is truly “passing it on.”