I apologize for my absence. Clearly, I can’t blog and learn medical terminology, medical nutrition therapy, employment law, and the names of bacteria, viruses and tapeworms that cause food borne illnesses (which I can thank for my newly acquired hand washing compulsion) at the same time.
I feel like I’m in boot camp for the left-brain inept. Geez-oh-man… Summer offers no breaks, either. I just registered for five weeks of chemistry and lab and 10 weeks of algebra. And as if THAT won’t be enough fun, I’m registered for biochemistry and advanced algebra in the fall. Like my advisor said, “You know how to party.”
So if I’m not here much between now and winter break, I’m probably drooling in a corner somewhere begging to read Jane Austen.
Oh, I kid! Life’s not been all work and no “weigh.” My jeans are looser and my legs are stronger. I’m still committed to my food plan, exercise, meditation, and the people who keep me sane.
Here’s a bit of a summary:
Daughter Carlene and Boyfriend Ben got engaged! (No, it’s not a shotgun wedding. Carlene’s holding baby Mae in that picture.) Wedding date TBD, but next April seems likely.
Grandbaby Mae rode in my Jeep for the first time since being able to legally sit facing forward.
My stepson Andrew moved into his dorm. He’s studying filmmaking at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh. It’s good to have the boy so close.
Andrew’s brain food. When he was younger, we called him “Cereal Boy.”
I ate at bd’s Mongolian Grill with BF and his son a few weeks ago for the first time. Yum!
Got the bike in to the shop for a much needed tune up. I upgraded her seat and pack, too. Comfy seat means longer rides. Longer rides means I have to pack more stuff than just a cell phone and Kleenex.
I also went to see the Moody Blues with Larry (my ex-husband, for those of you who aren’t familiar with his name). Larry and I have seen the Moodies 9 times in 15 years, and it was at one of their concerts that I felt the weight of my 300 pounds more profoundly than ever before, and that feeling contributed to my decision to finally lose weight for the last time.
It was 2003. The Moodies were playing a concert in a casino in West Virginia. Larry and I checked into the hotel, played a few slots, had dinner, and then about an hour before the show, went to the lobby to wait for the shuttle that would take us to the concert venue. A few other concert goers began to gather, too, when Larry nudged me and whispered, “Look to your left.”
Standing next to me was Moody’s front man Justin Hayward, whose music is the soundtrack of my life. I don’t remember a time I didn’t know “Nights In White Satin,” “Tuesday Afternoon,” or “Question.” When I need to remember to believe in myself, I listen to “The Voice.” And the song “Forever Autumn”… Gets me every time.
Justin’s shoulder was no further than a foot from mine. I wanted to say hello and to thank him for the gift his music had been to my life. Then I remembered I had 57-inch hips and I said nothing.
At the concert, I sat in the second row, regretting all the choices that had brought me to such disappointment in myself. Disappointment not only in my size, but disappointment for feeling so unworthy as to not thank someone who’d contributed such depth of feeling to my life.
I recall that unworthiness every time I see the Moody Blues, and each time, I vow that if I ever stand next to Justin Hayward again, I will tell him – no matter what I look like – “Thank you.”
My former body and the me who occupied it continue to be the source of my determination. I would dishonor she who was me by giving up the fight, because she is the one who thought enough about herself to start that march down the scale.
|David Ballment, Richard Malone, me, Howard Sacre, Liam Bartlett
Which leads me to the “60 Minutes Australia” piece I participated in. It aired last weekend and I just now had the courage to watch it. I’m OK with my part in it, but what surprised me was the almost defeatist attitude of the Australian researcher, Professor Joe Proietto. (Liam Bartlett is the “60 Minutes” correspondent.)
LIAM BARTLETT: So if we’re not completely obsessive, we’re just leading a normal life, we’ll probably put the weight back on?
JOE: Yep, yep. And that certainly explains the experience of all of us who treat obesity – that it’s a difficult thing. Not so much to get the weight off but the failure rate after a few years is very, very high.
Thank goodness for, Dr. Rena Wing from Brown University, one of the researchers at the Weight Control Registry, of which I and many maintainers are a part.
RENA: The Melbourne study was a very small study and I think that’s a very pessimistic message for viewers and listeners to hear because we know that many people are able to be successful at weight loss and so…
LIAM BARTLETT: It may be pessimistic but is it reality?
RENA: Ah, I don’t think it is. On average they’ve lost about 30 kilograms and they’ve kept it off about six years. One of the interesting things is that they report that they have tried many times before to lose weight unsuccessfully but this time they got it right okay.
LIAM BARTLETT: So what was the difference?
RENA: What they say is “this time I was more committed to behaviour change and this time physical activity was a bigger part of my regimen than it was in other approaches.”