Five Hours Later And I STILL Don’t Know What To Wear

3:34 a.m. I wake up. Not a “half-asleep, look at the clock and smile because I realize I have three more hours of sleep” wake up, but a full-blown, minds engaged kind of awake. And it’s really engaged. It wants to party, plan, solve every issue in my life right now at this very moment.

I try slow breathing, saying a prayer, thinking happy, quiet thoughts but it gets me nowhere. My mind wants to know how I’ll wear my hair on Wednesday – short or curly, what I’ll wear to my massage therapy and chiropractic appointments – the blue yoga pants or the white ones, what I’ll pack for the overnight to Pittsburgh. What’s the weather going to be like? Will I have time for a full workout or just a quick 30 minutes and some strength training? Will I bring along an apple or just buy one at Giant Eagle Express? Is there gas in the Jeep? What will it be, Lynn? Hunh? Hunh? HUNH?

My mind is a locomotive speeding out of control down a mountain. It’s writing columns, blogs, and every email I need to return. 4:05, I turn on the computer, my eyes adjust to the monitor light, and I write until my mind is empty. I write just snippets of things because my mind hasn’t had a complete thought yet, just lots of ideas. I answer a few emails. My feet are getting cold. They’re either too cold or too hot. They were too hot a half hour ago. 4:45 a.m. I turn off the computer and crawl back into bed.

Thankfully, I feel that pre-sleep drowsy feeling.

“You’re gonna fall asleep, Lynn! I just know it! Isn’t that great!!”

5:20 a.m. The dog gets off the futon and lays beside the stairs, her paws scraping the carpet as she gets comfortable. I concentrate on the sound of the fan. Stay with it, I say. Sleep. If I go to sleep now I still have another two hours before I need to eat something so I can take my meds a half hour before I get on the elliptical for a five-minute warm-up and then lift weights for 30 minutes and work my abs for another 20 and then get back on the elliptical for 30 more minutes and which tennis shoes will I wear, did I leave my iPod in my gym bag, where are my wrist braces, don’t forget to leave a note for the dog sitter, did I ask Carlene if Tim wanted sausage on the pizzas I’m making tomorrow, my feet are still cold, I should get up and get another blanket, I wonder what the temperature it is, will it snow this week, I’m going to California in a few weeks, what should I pack.

6:05 a.m. Larry is awake and the dogs race down the stairs to go out. OK, I say, I can still get an hour of sleep. I’ll push back my workout a half an hour and if I wear my hair curly today I can take a later shower because it doesn’t take as long to do as the straight hair, besides, the massage therapist messes it up anyway and I can hide messy hair better if it’s curly and even though I’d prefer it straight because we’re taking photos tonight because it’s Carlene’s birthday, this day is about her and not me so it shouldn’t matter what my hair looks like especially since I have no idea what I’m going to wear because I don’t know what the temperature will be and I’m not sure I want to wear jeans if I’m still feeling the water weight from yesterday’s Advil which I’m never taking again because it gave me such a bad stomach ache that I couldn’t eat my salad like usual and maybe I need to bring salad stuff with me to Pittsburgh to save me a trip to Giant Eagle Express, but if I go to Giant Eagle I could stop at Old Navy and see if they have any shorts I could buy for my trip to California which reminds me, did I reserve my seat yet…..

8:30 a.m. Good thing I spent the last five hours thinking about what to wear to the chiropractor and how I’ll wear my hair today. Me and my mind are going to hit the elliptical now and maybe we’ll solve other pressing issues while we’re there, that is, if I don’t fall asleep.

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