Life Sometimes Requires an Attitude Adjustment

If you’re not physically able to have sex in a hammock anymore, you don’t stop having sex, right? You might not be able to put away a pan of brownies like you could when you were 20, but you don’t stop eating chocolate. You might not play “Quarters” or “Asshole” anymore, but there’s nothing like a good beer now and again.

For me, I cannot NOT write and so I have a new keyboard and voice recognition software. I haven’t tried out the software yet, but the keyboard is all kinds of interesting.

As I learn, joint by joint, how my body is changing, I’m learning ways to tweak, or in some cases overhaul, how I do things to accommodate my real abilities. I’m new at it, but I’m learning to anticipate and think ahead of the next degeneration. Like the bumper sticker says, “Shit Happens.” It’s up to me if I want to live my life satisfied or frustrated.

This keyboard takes ergonomics to the extreme. It’s hard to get used to, and I learned last night not to try and improve my skills after drinking a few glasses of wine. You really do need all your wits about you as you navigate these keys. Cripes, it took me five minutes to write a two-line email.

(SIDE NOTE: I like that word “cripes.” What does it mean, anyway? Was it someone’s way of saying “Christ” without taking the Lord’s name in vain? My mom got mad at me when I was little for saying “Geez.” She thought it was a breath away from saying “Jesus.” Maybe “cripes” was some little kids way around his mother’s fear of eternal hellfire. Just a thought.)

Anyway, here’s what my new keyboard looks like (click on the photo for a larger view). Keyboard1_2 The backspace, delete and enter keys are all at the bottom and you access them with your thumbs. That’s taking me some getting used to. Also, the arrow keys are divided – the back and forths on the left and the up and downs on the right – and I can’t stop typing M for an N. “They” say I’ll be 80 percent efficient in a few days. “They” obviously don’t know how impatient I am and what a lousy typer I am. This keyboard might be launched out the window by the end of the week.

(SIDE NOTE: My friend Rodney is a hunt-and-peck typer. I’d pay money to see him figure this keyboard out. It would make an excellent You Tube video. Lots of “cripes” dropped in that one, I’m sure. Just a thought.)

Shit, I keep hitting the apostrophe when I want to hit Enter. Enter is on the bottom, Lynn, next to the Space bar. See what I mean? Keyboard2 I need to train my brain. The Kinesis folks call it “adapting your kinesthetic sense.” I’m thinking whomever typed the manual hadn’t adapted his or her sense yet. From the manual: “Your (sic) are simply adjusting your muscle memory or intuitive understanding of reach and distance.”

It makes a funny clicking sound when I type. But I like how I can sit with my arms extended in front of me at a perfect 90-degree angle and can type without having to move my little pinkie fingers much. Really helps the old arthritis, you know?

Relearning things we thought were second nature isn’t easy, especially when you get older. It’s easy to feel defeated or retreat back to what you’re comfortable with, even though what you’re familiar with isn’t what’s best for you anymore. But if something’s worth doing, it’s worth adapting.

So what if I no longer have sex swinging from the rafters? OK, so I never had sex swinging from the rafters. But I won’t be taking it up, either. My point is, my body tells me the IKEA chair is safer and just as satisfying. I also won’t be shoveling snow this winter. But that’s why God made 13-year-old boys who live next door.

Life sometimes takes an attitude adjustment. A new perspective. What’s your body saying? What’s your conscience saying? Take a listen. Growing and changing doesn’t have to be such a bad thing.

For the record, this took me four hours to type. What’s interesting is that the stick that’s usually up my ass is mysteriously not lodged real deep and I’m not as impatient with myself as I assumed I would be. As part of my attempt at a new way of thinking and being, I ANTICIPATE that I will figure this thing out sooner or later.

10 thoughts on “Life Sometimes Requires an Attitude Adjustment

  1. is it hard to get the stick out of your ass with real efffed up wrists? 😉
    and for the record, i kick butt at quarters. perhaps we can play sometime.
    love the new keyboard, babe. it looks v.v.v.v.v.v.v. star trekish. me likey!

  2. Sex swinging from the rafters isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…takes days to get all the splinters out of your ass.
    Attitude adjustments can be a good thing. If anyone can adapt, you can! 🙂 And you’re right, growing and changing doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

  3. I offere only a slight correction to your inclusion of me in this missive: I have hunt and peck sex and swing from the rafters when I type. It all works out in the end.

  4. Only 4 hours? I’m impressed! I’d still be reading the directions.
    My brother has an egronomic keyboard (not as fancy as yours) and using it was how I discovered that I have been typing the letter B with the wrong hand my entire typing life! I probably won’t change unless I get a fancy keyboard like yours.

  5. I want to “gather” Ma Ingalls in my arms and ask her to join me at my mansion in Sleepy Eye where we’ll live on the money I make from my used-horse-and-wagon lot.
    You know what they say about those girls from Minnesota….

  6. what do they say about girls from minnesota?
    that you’d be better off with the horse than the girl?
    (lynnie, i’m just kidding…i’d probably pick you over a horse any day)

  7. I love the girls from Minnesota. Actually, if my memory serves me, Ma Ingalls was from Kansas. On the other hand, a horse doesn’t complain about getting rode hard and… OK, I’ll stop. Lynn’s probably wondering when she lost control of this particular posting session.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s