Anticipation’s a bitch, isn’t it? There I was this morning, all underwear-in-a-bunch, worrying about this visit with the boys, anticipating the worst, dreading, sad, whatever. And then they get here and it’s like they were just here. And I remember why I love when they visit. The anticipation of the stress is now in its proper perspective.
We had a great evening. My head’s on straight. I’m ready to be the mom they know me to be – funny, authoritative, the one not afraid to tell them what’s what (remind me to tell you how lucky me got to answer Kevin’s question last year: What’s a blow job?) Good times are ahead. Stressful times, too, I’m sure. But I’m remembering what is good, not what is wrong. And when what’s wrong happens, I’ll deal with it. I always do. We’re a good little family that way.
The “what ifs” are always worse than the what is. Why do we anticipate the worst? Why is the positive not the first thing we think about and meditate on? Why such a penchant for the negative? I guess if I had that answer I’d write a book and sell it on the Oprah show.
So far there have been no snorting nose issues and they were reminded that Mr. Kleenex is their best friend in the mornings. Andy shared the videos he made at video camp (yes, they have such a thing – who’d have known?) and both Larry and I were proud of his work. Kevin told us about Boy Scout camp, and it was a little heartwrenching because the older boys were idiots and called him a wimp when he pulled a tendon in his knee, and as strong as Kevin is, he had a hard time dealing with their ridicule. I got all puffy-chested mom-like and wanted to go slap those stupid boys and tell them they were ugly and had small dicks or something like that. God I get protective easily. Anyway, Kevin felt comfortable telling us this information and that made me glad that he felt loved enough to reveal what he was feeling. Oh, and video games never came up once. Yay!
The insecurities I have about this stepfamily that I shared in my earlier blog are securely in my head and not displayed in my actions. I love these guys and I’m glad they are here. The house is full and so is my heart.