We took my stepson Kevin shopping yesterday to spend the $50 Best Buy gift card that we gave him for his 14th birthday last week. He bought a game for his Game Boy and Weird Al’s CD “Running With Scissors.” Never mind that he could have bought the CD used on Amazon for four bucks. Nope. He wanted to torture us all the way home from Pittsburgh.
I like a good Weird Al parody once in awhile. I have a sense of humor. “Like A Surgeon,” “Another One Rides the Bus,” “Eat It.” No doubt the man is funny. An entire album though, man, takes more patience to listen to than watching paint dry. I made it as far as Kittanning (about 25 miles from where we started driving home) before I used my stepmother trump card and said, “Enough!” and ejected the CD. The song “Albuquerque” alone is 11 minutes long! That’s a lot of Weirdness, my friends.
There’s always some alternative education going on when the stepsons visit. They show me a world this mother of girls has never seen before. I won’t admit this to him, but I’m kind of glad Kevin introduced me to the music of the Arrogant Worms. They’re actually sort of funny sometimes. I laughed out loud today when I heard “Ontario Sucks.” (Click here to see the YouTube video.) Just don’t tell him I said that, ok?
During this visit, I also learned there is a very important difference between a nerd and a geek. I called Kevin a geek after he described some dance some guy did on some weirdass television show that only teenage boys watch, and he promptly corrected me saying he was actually a nerd. Both geeks and nerds are super smart, he said, but nerds have friends. Oh, I said, and I apologized and promised to refer to him in the future as a nerd since he assured me he has friends, all of whom have apparently seen the movie “Borat”– a movie his mother and father and I all agree Kevin does NOT need to see at all, but especially not at 14. That doesn’t matter, though. He can quote every scene thanks to his nerd friends. Imagine, if you will, a room full of Kevins quoting “Borat.” Oh dear god, hell is surely less painful.
Every visit is a new adventure. He and his brother will be here again in August. For two weeks. There will be more education for me, I’m sure. I’ll be sure to let you know how that goes.