Get the bitch off me!

I thought a Xanax-induced sleep would kill the PMSing bitch from hell, but she woke up next to me, alive and well, and yelled at my husband to stop mumbling. It’s no wonder he has a lot of work to do in his office today.

Even I can’t stand me on days like this. And days like this are getting worse as I get older. Freakin’ hormones. Surround me in simple sugars. Give me bagels and white bread. Don’t stick around long, though, or I’ll find something about you that pisses me off and I’ll take delicious pleasure in telling you what it is. Bet I make you cry.

Yesterday I binged. I ate 10 gummy bears, two Werthers caramels and a 1-inch 3 Musketeers mini. OK, that’s not much of a binge, but I’m on Weight Watchers and it cost me 2½ points. To me, that’s a binge.

Maybe today isn’t the day to make lefse. It’s a long involved process and my attention span is about nine seconds. Do I want to roll out thin balls of potato dough knowing that, on a good day, getting them thin enough takes a steady hand and usually a second try? Oh hell, who am I kidding? The more obvious question is should I use a rolling pin today? Probably not.

Instead of lefse, my goal today is to get this bitch off me. I’ll haul her ass to the gym and put her on the elliptical for awhile, then the bike, then the treadmill. I’ll make her do 300 crunches and at least six weight machines. Maybe when we get home she’ll leave me alone.

*deep sigh* Where did I put the Xanax? 

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