OK, so I’m not a Buddhist or a bag lady, but I put together a personal Zen bag – a big pink canvas tote that contains some of my mental survival tools: "Full Catastrophe Living" and "Wherever You Go, There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn, three Tara Brach CDs, a few miscellaneous meditation discs, a Sony Walkman and headphones, a journal, a Christian bible, and lots of torn out pages from magazines and papers of articles or quotes that inspire or remind me of who I want to be when I grow up.
Last April, I sold my antique store, helped my parents move far away and then moved into my parents old house. I got really busy being busy, not thinking, not believing in anything. I just closed off my mind like a child who sticks her fingers in her ears and chants "Nah nah nah nah. I’m not listening. Nah nah nah nah." My body, though, puts up with only so much stress before it reacts with a massive panic attack, which it did on a hot May night, and I smacked squarely into the lonliness I was avoiding.
Yadda, yadda, yadda, within a few months, I put together my Zen bag.
The premise of this blog isn’t meditation or religion. There are far better people than me to talk about those things. I’m just a girl with a computer who has things on her mind. My ultimate goal is to write something big enough, infamous enough, funny enough, whatever, to be interviewed by Jay Thomas on Sirius Satellite Radio. It probably won’t happen, but a girl can dream.